I am going to quote some from this reading and those will be added in !!’s so that specifies them as a quote.
!!it takes two types of people to make a D/s relationship work correctly, a Dominant and a submissive.!!
The key word here is “relationship”. A dominant can be a dominant without a submissive, and vica versa but for a relationship to form, it requires both. Consider this analogy.
Take a rose for example. There is two major parts to a rose, the stem and the flower. Both play a significant part within the whole. The flower itself is soft, delicate, takes in the sunlight to provide for the stem. It blossoms. It is sweet smelling and beautiful to look at which brings beauty to the stem. It is protected. It gathers water, provides for the stem and even provides for others, birds for example and insects. The stem, not entirely beautiful looking but protective with its thorns. It holds the flower up so high so it can blossom so beautifully. It provides nutrients and water from the ground to the flower.
For it to be considered a rose… it has to have both sides, the stem and the flower… and this to me is the dynamic of a D/s based relationship with both sides providing for others and providing for each other… Give and take, making something even much more whole and complete.
!!that we can’t do the same back and treat them in a manner which lifts them up and makes them feel as special as they make us feel?!!
You know this hit me when I read it. Here at Austin, I’ve seen just how much a submissive shines and becomes so bright its nearly blinding when something happens which is very small and maybe insignificant to us, but it means the WORLD to them. For example, when I got avril the teddy bear and the panda bear. I saw in her such happiness and joy from something so very simple, but it meant the world to her. Dee, when I spend time and sit down with her and just talk. Yesterday I dragged her around, got her a horse to go horseback riding together just to spend time and even dragged her into “Gor” of course with her Master’s collar and under “my” protection so she could see what I do and that meant lot to her. The flowers to orchid, the notecards all of it, small things but I know truly this means so much to these girls… to have someone who goes out of their way to do something for them and I see that, I see how they light up and smile so greatly in response to very simple things. I’m a simple minded dominant. I don’t believe in having to do intense incredible huge feats of kindness, but small things, and sooner or later all of those small things come to become one very HUGE thing… thats love, like what we talked about yesterday. Its not beating them or fucking their brains out but I know it touches their heart, and to see them smile, to see them happy to see them come to me every morning in my ims to say hello, that makes ME smile.
!!A submissive who is treated as an equal instead of a lesser being is more apt to be more self-assured, better able to handle situations when you are not there to handle them and will take little if any shit from others when you’re not around. Now some of you may be sitting there thinking that is not how a submissive should be.!!
I think there is a part of this which is missing when I read through it. Its the part where they “MATTER” also not just being treated as an equal, but the fact that they matter.. that we “care” and we show that through how we act with them, how we talk to them, how we be with them… thats what matters… To me that is probably the most important aspect for a dominant to talka bout… that we give a damn about them, and we show it through how we act… orchid for example.. I am limited to what I can do, but I show I care for what she’s going through by doing the small things for which I do, and her letters back to me show it…
We teach equality in the lifestyle as part of the discussion topics for Dominant level 1 over at SOS. Even if on the surface, we as dominants seem to have all of the power, all of the control, in truth we have it because our submissives CHOOSE to give it to us. They choose to submit to us.. We cannot force them, we cannot push them and hold them at gun point but they choose to submit to us… its all about choices.
That choice can be taken away if
we do not nurish it, we do not care for it, we do not cherish it, we do not love it…. and we do not respect it.
The article talked about the equality of having wants and needs as well. We as dominants have wants and needs, but also the submissives have wants and needs. They have things which they need in their lives beyond the kink and fetishes but needs such as nurturing, caring.. They need to feel safe, they need to feel protected. They need to feel like we give a damn about them that we cherish them, and yes cherish thats a word I have been using much more since our discussion on love verses cherish.
There was a situation in real life where a Dominant did not treat his submissive as a equal. He would forbid her from having a job, being able to collect money for herself. She was required to remain at home, shut off and sheltered from her friends and family. She was not able to have a social life, was not able to continue her college. He had brain washed her into this and when He died from a car accident, she was lost. She didn’t know what to do. She did not know how to contain herself and it took a lot of rehabilitation and re-establishment to teach her how to live on her own. She had no ability to make choices for herself because she had gotten SOOOOO used to the choices being made FOR her… This goes along with having “NEEDS”… There is a need for a submissive/slave to maintain some independence so they CAN make choices for themselves if something happens to the dominant. If you take that away from her, then that girl will simply not be able to fend for themselves. This was an important lesson to learn.
Equality is something I struggle with in Gor not because of the fact that I disagree with it because quite frankly I don’t as you can see in this assignment, but the fact that I do agree with it. Its something I absolutely fight as a lifestyler in Gor, not a gorean lifestyler cause I don’t think that can exist, but a D/s lifestyler INSIDE gor, and sometimes its something for which can get overwhelming, because we want to give that to every girl we run across, we want to give them what they need but there is so many of them like you and I talked about yesterday and so little of us that it becomes where our own energy is drained. I have had to learn throughout my time online to step back sometimes and allow myself to recharge because if I cannot Master myself and keep myself above water and standing on my two feet, I am going to be no good to ANYONE.
We have needs to and we have wants to as Dominant and those also need to be fulfilled. it is a delicate and intricate balance between both and that right there… is where equality is at its greatest.