What is submission?

sub·mis·sion

/səbˈmɪʃən/

noun

One of the biggest concepts which you will hear throughout the D/s lifestyle is that, humans are like snowflakes, there is simply not one which is ever the same. We are all individuals and therefore, submission is going to be different for each and every one of us. It doesn’t matter if your someone who is experienced in the lifestyle or someone who Is fairly new and just coming into the lifestyle. There is no book definition to what exactly submission is. Whether or not your a man or a woman, someone who is young or someone who is old, a submissive or a Dominant, Master or a slave, everyone has their own emotions and feelings, likes and dislikes so there is no way to say there is a wrong way or a right way. I think one of the greatest concepts of what this lifestyle is about is the diversity for which lays within it. How we can come together as a global community but still be as diverse as we are within ourselves and within our own relationships.

Submission is a very intense form of a structured relationship between two people or in the sense of a poly relationship, or poly community the relationship between those involved in the community and the poly household. The person who is the submissive gives up some of his/her control to a dominant person. However, the strongest concept to remember is that what is given, is given as a gift and must be cherished and cared for or it can easily be taken away. To what extent does this person give up? It depends solely on the persons involved and is no one else’s business.

RESPECT – TRUST – HONESTY – LOVE – OBEDIENCE

There are some basic fundamental that are truthfully essential to any and all D/s relationships. These are like the foundation and walls to a house. They must be built and each and every one is equally important. Consider a house of cards. If you have the foundation began to crumble or one of the walls begins to fall, everything else will most likely come down with it. One of the biggest suggestions I make to anyone for which is involved in beginning a relationship is take your time and do not let anyone rush you into anything. If someone approaches you and wants to play, take time to get to know them. Learn about them, learn if they are who they say they are. These are people for which not only are you going to be trusting your body to within the physical aspects of play but are also going to be trusting your mind to as well. No matter if its a 24/7 relationship or just play for a limited time or even in the bedroom behind closed doors, it doesn’t matter. Get to know him or her as your Dominant thoroughly before you start invoking in any type of a power exchange. If this person your speaking with begins to rush you and tries to push you, it is likely a good sign that they are not going to respect you and will most likely not care about important concepts like your limits.

I have heard over time that “slaves” don’t have limits. I would turn to those people and tell them, “Well, would you jump off the Brooklyn bridge head first if a Master told you to do so, knowing you would be killed?” Everybody has limits. If someone tells you that they do not have limits of any kind or even worse, if a Dominant person requires a submissive to submit without limits, they either do not care or know what they are talking about or they are trying to take advantage of someone who is inexperienced. There are people out there who want to submit without limits, however they are submitting to Dominants for which they trust and who understands them, and will know where those boundaries lay. This comes through communication and understanding of each other, so even these people do have limits and boundaries. They are built through respect and trust between the two people involved.

“Consensually”

As a submissive, you always have the right to say “No” or “Stop”. If the dominant doesn’t respect your words then run the other way as fast as you can.

Consensually means that everything for which happens must be agreed upon by both parties. This goes back to where I said submission is a gift for which is given to a dominant who is going to cherish and protect that gift. The submissive has the right to take their submission away from someone if they feel it is in danger to themselves. Anything for which one of the two parties is not comfortable with should NOT happen. There is a strong give and take. Any proper dominant will take the time to get to know their submissive and understand exactly where their boundaries and limits lay. There are some limits and boundaries which might be able to be pushed and a proper dominant will know how to go about pushing them and where to stop. This will overall help a submissive to grow within themselves. A proper dominant will always respect a submissive’s limits in general and they will not be too demanding of the submissive because they know where to push and when to stop. They will also know the care for which they must provide the submissive after anything, whether it be a simple scene between them or pushing of a limit. As you read through some more of the articles, you will read about subspace and the concepts of aftercare given to a submissive and the reasons behind such.

It takes far more strength to kneel then to stand. it takes far more strength to hand over the reins completely trusting you will be protected , cherished, respected etc.

Submissive’s are human beings. They are not weak people. They have needs and desires and find ways to communicate those needs and desires to their Dominant. One of the best things I could tell you is to use common sense. Listen to the hairs on the back of your neck. Take time and listen to your gut feelings because usually nine out of ten times, they’re not wrong. The journey of Dominance and submission can be very rewarding to people who share similar interests and ideals. It can be a beautiful thing to embark on and watch.

These are only some basic fundamentals when we look into what truly submission is. There is much more to it, but this is a good starting point for anyone who is looking to journey into this lifestyle as a submissive. I wish you well and great happiness as you embark on your new journey.

– Master Steven

(Jonathon Carbenell on Second Life)