Before you begin the training, you must understand what actually you are training. You need to setup and understand the goals in which you wish to achieve, and if you are training the girl for yourself, what exactly do you want in the relationship. As a Master and Trainer, this is a essential part for yourself to understand. The girl is going to be relying on you deeply, so you need to understand what forth you need. In a relationship, either training or a long-term relationship, it is very important to understand one another and to be clear about what each other’s expectations are. The decision to train, and the decision to form a binding contract between the two of you should wait until both of you have agreed about your goals four yourselves, and the expectations of one another.
D/s is a very serious business, One which should not be taken lightly.
The first step in the beginning of any relationship, is communication, but equally important is the formation of idea of what the relationship between the two people is all about. Both the Master and submissive must ask themselves, “What do I want to get from this relationship” You might want to compose a list of questions to ask each other, to get a better understand and idea on exactly what it is that you want, and what exactly does she want. Understanding these key points is critical to both a long-term relationship, and a training relationship. Once this is done, compare the answers together. When you are at disagreement about a particular area, discussion called for. Understand that in some cases, both of you will have to compromise in some form. Compromising is not weak, and should never be seen as negative. Allot of Masters out there are afraid to compromise, but in a normal “true” relationship, it will happen. Compromising is a form of understanding the girls needs and wants, which are key elements to a true and caring Master.
However, do not allow yourself, as the Master to “barter” with the slave to the point that the submissive’s authority ranks over your own. You must remain in control here, as the Master. You must remember that you truly do have the final decision on everything. At this point, you should already have gotten the basic’s of forming a relationship done, have gone through the position of building the pillars for the relationship to make it strong. You should know each other quite well at this point, so well that in fact, you may have to order your new slave-to-be or slave in training to provide you with honest answers, and not just answers you want to hear. Make sure that what he/she tells you is in fact the truth, and not what you want it to be. This is very vital and important at this point in time and from now on. You two must be able to communicate properly together, for that is the most vital part to training. If this is not able to be done, then there will be huge hurdles down the road.
General questions to answer to yourselves and discuss
- What do I want from this relationship for myself?
- What do I want from this relationship for my partner?
- What am I ethically/morally incapable of doing to achieve these goals?
- What are 3 things I find especially good about our relationship right now?
- What are 3 things which I would like to improve about our relationship in training?
- What areas does the slave which to deal with in training?
- What areas does the Dominant which to deal with in training? These can also be things about himself/herself.
- How will the relationship improve as a result of training?
- What do I think the most challenging areas of training will be for me? for your partner?
- Should training have a time limit, or should it be ongoing?
- What step can I work towards in the relationship? What things can I do to make the relationship better?
- After comparing questions to answer to yourselves and discuss
After comparing the answers, discuss them until you can come up with a mutual satisfactory answer for each question, then move on to the more specific questions.
Rate the following in importance from one to ten. (one being the most important)
What are the most important qualities in a Master?
- Patience
- Understanding & Communication Skills
- Love
- Control & Authority
- Compassion
- Caring
- Protection & Attention to Safety
- Trust
- Loyalty
- Respect
- Consistency
- Sexual Skills
- Decision Making Skills
- Sense of Humor
- Positive Self Esteem
- Honesty
Traits & Qualities of a Master
Patience
A True Dominant must have patience to listen and understand a sub’s feelings and views. He/She must have patience in order to use bondage and control with the sub. Should a Dominant lack any patience at all, a bondage session could go wrong and someone could get hurt. A Dominant must Especially, use patience when disciplining or punishing the sub.
Understand & Communication Skills
A True Dominant may not always agree with a submissive, but He/She will always understand, even just a little. There is always that communication there keeping the understanding ongoing.
Love
A True Dominant will hold a deep love for His/Her submissive at all times. It can even hurt the Dominant to punish and discipline the sub due to the love that is there and not wanting to see the sub hurting. That love is never ending, unbreakable by all things, including society.
Control & Authority
A True Dominant of course must have control. That control is pure. A Dominant does not think they control a sub just because they can. Instead, they control the sub out of love, caring and compassion. They use that control to help the submissive to become a better person, to keep the sub in line, and because the sub enjoys being controlled.
Compassion
A True Dominant will always have compassion for a submissive. Perhaps You do not know the sub personally, but because You are the Dominant and he/she is the sub, some form of compassion still exists. As for Your own sub, a deeper compassion lies within You.
Caring
A True Dominant cares for all submissives, but most especially His/Her own. He/She will do anything for the submissive to keep him/her happy and comfortable. The submissive is like a pet to the Dominant. He/She feels obligated to take very good care of the sub because He/She loves His/Her pet.
Protection & Attention to Safety
A True Dominant will also have a sense of protection for His/Her sub. He/She will go great lengths to keep the submissive safe and secure. Some Dominants will even give up Their families for a sub. Though that may seem like a lot to give up, just remember, this is not “vanilla”, this is D/s. He/She will also go at great lengths to protect the submissive, also means to keep him/her safe. It means to follow the limits set and make sure no unneeded harm comes to the person.
Trust
A True Dominant will always trust the sub to do the right thing without having to constantly command the sub. If a submissive comes across another Dominant, the True Dominant must trust the sub to do the right thing. Of course, the sub should do the right thing and return to his/her Dominant right away.
Loyalty
A True Dominant has a great deal of loyalty towards His/Her submissive. He/She has a difficult time playing with other submissives even at times. Though that does tend to sound somewhat “vanilla,” some Dominants believe in even having only one slave/submissive. Their loyalty to Their sub is so great they will never forsake the sub in any way
Respect
A True Dominant has a great deal of respect not just towards the gift which the submissive gives Him/Her, but whom the submissive is. Respect comes with respecting the person’s humanity, respecting the person’s way of life. This is no different then the respect achieved when building the great five pillars of the relationship.
Consistency
A True Dominant will remain consistent in his ways. He/She will not change things all of the time, all over again. They will keep things very same, as if they continue to change things all the time, the submissive will become confused and not know what is what, or what to do. The dominant must remain consistent in his/her actions, her ways, and how he/she treats the submissive. This is vital specially in training so the submissive can learn properly what to do. Now as a relationship always changes, so does needs and sometimes desires, so there will be times during the relationship where things do change slightly, depending on what the requirements of the relationships are, however the dominant will still maintain some form of consistency in what He/She does.
Sexual Skills
These traits and qualities pertain to the abilities of the dominant to please the submissive and the ability to give what the submissive requires. D/s is a very sexual lifestyle, and in such, the slave is there mostly to please the Master/Mistress, however the slave must receive some pleasure back. Just ordering the girl around, and not showing her any compassion or love, will find yourself with major issues in the relationship. Remember, this is a relationship, and feelings do get involved.
Decision Making Skills
This ability and quality is a very strong and hard one to master, the ability to make a decision. There will be allot of times when you are drawn to making a decision about the submissive’s life. If you are not capable of being able to decide what to do, then there will become times where the submissive will question your strength. You must be able to make good decision and wise one, in the goodness of the submissive, and not based on faulty thoughts. Remember this is a person’s life you now hold in your hand, make sure you do not abuse it. It is ok sometimes to ask the submissive what he/she thinks, however doing so all the time, will lead the submissive to feeling like she is just Mastering herself. Asking the submissive how he/she feels about something is not always a bad thing however use it wisely, and remember ultimately the final decision is yours.
Sense of Humor
I have placed this in here as a trait, because I feel that at times, there will be times when you will need to spend time with the submissive in a vanilla atmosphere. This trait might be important to some as it leads to good communication skills, and the ability to spend time with each other outside of the D/s environment, which I feel is a healthy importance to relationships.
Positive Self Esteem
The ability to feel good about yourself leads to strength and control of your own feelings and emotions. If you are depressed about yourself, and do not feel good about yourself, other qualities and traits will fall along with this. I feel this is a highly strong point, and quality trait but to some it may not be as important.
Honesty
The ability to tell the truth is not only part of the pillars of D/s but also the most important trait there is. If your not able to tell the truth to the submissive, you have no reason to be with her.
What are the most important qualities in a submissive?
- Honesty
- Loyalty
- Sexual Skill
- Desire to please
- Communication Skills & Understanding
- Sense of Humor
- Caring
- Trust in Master
- Ability to Follow Rules
- Obedience
- Positive Self Image
- Love
Traits & Qualities of a submissive
Honesty
Honesty is a very important trait for a submissive. We as Dominants cannot see into your mind with a crystal ball. There is no such thing for us. We must be able to honesty be able to see what is inside your head, know your thoughts, know your feelings, and understand them to properly Master you. If we cannot see such things, then we will not know what is going on inside your head. If there is something bothering you, then you must honestly be able to tell us. Just as Honesty is important to a Master, such is it for the slave
Loyalty
This goes the same for the submissive in the regards as it does for the Dominant. Especially in Long Distance Relationships, where you are not physically there with the sub, We as dominants take your honest word of your loyalty. It is very hard to go behind someone’s back, specially when they cannot see, however it ruins the entire aspect of training. The dominant trusts you with apart of His/Her life, and in such, He/She expects you to remain loyal to the relationship.
Sexual Service
Sexual Service is the ability to please the Dominant, and tend to his needs and desires. Each person is different, and thus each Dominant will have different needs. The sexual aspect does play a role within Mastery and Slavery, and a very large role at that. Sexual Service does not just always mean intercourse either, it could mean just pleasure, even giving a back rub could be considered sexual service.
Desire to please
The desire to please is a deep feeling which each submissive has within themselves, to please their owner. This does not mean sexually either, which falls under the previous trait, however to please them in what you do, how you act, what you say. The trait to be “pleasing” is important because it is the groundwork for your servitude to your Owner.
Communication Skills & Understanding
The ability to communicate goes along with being able to be honest and loyal in a relationship. The submissive will in time will not agree with the Dominant’s position, but must understand that He/She is doing their best to make the proper decisions, which comes along with trust. The submissive must be able to communicate properly to the Dominant, his/her feelings so the Dominant knows what is going inside their head.
Sense of Humor
Just like any relationship, Sense of Humor is important because there will be times where the two of you will be together. A Sense of humor brings self esteem and self confidence, and interest to the relationship, and is a very important aspect in D/s
Caring
Apart of the submissive’s position is to take care of the Dominant, just like it is His/Her job to take care of her/him. The submissive will do anything which he/she can to make the Dominant happy. The submissive feels obligated to to take very good of the Dominant because They are his/her owner. The ability to be caring comes into the picture. It is also important for the submissive to care for him or herself. They can care for themselves, by keeping themselves clean, well tended to, and prepared mentally and physically and spiritually to serve their Owner.
Trust
A True submissive will always trust the Dominant to do the right thing. If a submissive comes across another Dominant, the True Dominant must trust the sub to do the right thing. Of course, the sub should do the right thing and return to his/her Dominant right away.
Ability to Follow Rules
No matter what form of a relationship which you are in, there will always be some sort of rules which you must adhere by. These rules set the guidelines for what is excepted within the relationship, and what is not. They set the road in which you as a submissive will follow. They are the driving factor for a Dominant to be able to control another person.
Obedience
The trait of being obedient, means just as it states. To follow the Master or Mistress’s footsteps, allow them to lead you, allow them to take your hand and walk you down the journey with them. To follow them, to understand them, to be just about all of these traits with them. To not disobey their lead, or cause intentional trouble during the relationship. There is always a difference between testing the lines, and outright disobedience, so remember that.
Positive Self Esteem
Positive self esteem is what you feel about yourself, and how you feel about yourself. It is the ability to look into the mirror and say you are a good person. We all have different looks, and sometimes they are not important, but it is always important to see what is in the inside of yourself, and what you are made out of. A positive self esteem brings happiness, the ability to serve, and the ability to be good about yourself, another important trait for a submissive.
Love
Finally, the last trait is “love”. Love is the ability to open up your heart and your mind to your Owner. It is the ability to break down those walls, trust them, respect them, be honest to them, and be obedient to them. It is the ability to shine, show your true feelings and emotions to them, allowing them to harness them and bring them out of you, so you two may shine with them. That is the trait of love.
The next thing which you should do after preparing these figures, you should also take a moment to rate these as you see your partner doing so. Your ratings will not always match up, but it gives you the groundwork for which you can discuss things, and will bring each of you together. Remember, that in time, things can be overcome. Physical attributes can always change, and will always change. Be respectful to not just yourself, but your partner, and remember to talk about things. find him/her to be a true and total servant to you.