The Five pillars of D/s are placed here, because even in a Training Relationship, these pillars must be formed and understood. Both sides must maintain and keep them for any relationship to work. These pillars are not easy to form, and can come down with the wisp of wind. They are very difficult to maintain, however necessary for any basic relationship to work and thrive. The following is a brief essay of “The Five Pillars of D/s”.
What are the 5 Pillars of D/s?
These pillars are the heart of D/s. They are THE reason D/s relationships remain stronger, and more binding than any vanilla relationship. Once a person is within a D/s relationship, they are fully committed to the pillars. Should a single pillar fall, the others fall as well and the entire relationship collapses with them. You cannot have a D/s relationship without all 5 pillars in place in the order they come in. They have a distinct order because you cannot have one pillar without the other next to it.
The first pillar is:
~~Respect~~
That is the foundation of D/s. A person must respect all those involved with D/s in order to become part of the Community. D/s is no joke. It is a life choice. To be in D/s is to accept the fullness of the Community and respect those directly involved. You must respect everyone no matter how upset they make you. That is not to say you should put up with abuse. Rather, respect them in such a manner that you do not take abuse but still respect the D/s.
In a relationship, the respect is very very deep. You must fully respect your partner in a relationship. In a D/s relationship, that respect flows within one’s soul. The more the Dominant and submissive communicate and get to know each other, the more they find a deeper respect.
They begin to become somewhat interested in one another and want to learn and understand more about their possible partner. The submissive may pay a great deal more attention to the Dom/me at this point, communicating interests and playing some with the Him/Her. Then comes the next pillar:
~~Trust~~
Here is where D/s really gets deep. To fully trust someone is probably one of the most difficult things for a person to do, especially if you have been hurt in the past. However, that trust takes time in D/s. You must trust your partner to bind you, whip you and yet not hurt you. If you are a Dom/me, you must trust your partner to respond appropriately to your commands and actions and tell you when something is wrong. You must fully trust each other from the very core of your soul. If you have jealousy, suspicions about each other, your D/s relationship will fail. To fully trust each other means that you can trust them with another person. The submissive trusts the Dom/me with his/her life. The same goes for the Dom/me.
Thus is the D/s life.
~~Loyalty~~
Here comes where the two involved with the relationship are fully loyal to each other and do not do anything behind each other’s backs. The relationship must be kept open, no secrets kept from each other. If the two are going to fully give each other up to one another and tear down the walls between them, then they must not start building new ones by not showing loyalty to the other.
Should the Dom/me wish to be with another submissive, then their current slave/submissive has the right to at least know and express his/her opinion. If the submissive wants to warn the Dom/me about STD’s and such, then the Dom/me must let the submissive know if He/She is going to be with another. This should be done right from the beginning of the relationship and continue throughout it.
The same goes for the submissive. I personally like to be with more that one Dom. However, I am also collared to my Master. I make certain He knows what my desires are at all times. I am very loyal to Him and if He so wishes, He will permit me to be with another Dom that He approves of. I would never go behind His back.
That is loyalty in the D/s way. It is not necessarily talking about fooling around outside the relationship for D/s thrives off of understanding yourself. And, if you require being with other Dom/mes or subs to understand who you are, then according to D/s, that is perfectly fine.
However, the loyalty in D/s insists that you Always let the submissive and/or Dom/me know what is going on. Keep NO secrets from each other else this pillar will fall and eventually so will the pillar of Trust and finally Respect.
~~Love~~
Once you have respect, trust and loyalty, then comes love. This just falls into place naturally. The love becomes very deep and passionate to the point that you feel you cannot live without your partner. You yearn for each other every day and want to be with each other and please each other. The submissive wants to please his/her Dom/me and the Dom/me wants to give the very best He/She can for their angelic sub. This is where some have actually felt that their partner was their soul mate or D/s soul partner. Love in the D/s relationship is far more powerful than that of vanilla. You would do anything for the other. There is a true undying devotion. And, when a collaring ceremony is performed, it is like a true wedding, but deeper, D/s style.
~~Obedience~-
And finally comes Obedience within D/s. Most feel that this is merely for the submissive. However, this is not entirely true. The Dom/me must be obedient in their own way to their submissive and not abuse them, remain in control of themselves, the situation and the sub. If a Dom/me loses control at any point, they lose the obedience of the sub. Therefore, the Dom/me must remain obedient in their own manners.
The submissive, is fully obedient to the Dom/me in that once you reach the love part of D/s the obedience then falls into place. When a person has so much love for another, they just want to do everything they can to please them and make them happy. It is human nature. Within D/s it is just shown in a deeper way through bondage, control, serving, passion etc.
These are the 5 pillars of D/s. They are the foundations, the heart of D/s.