The concept of “providing service” as a submissive has certainly changed over the years, with no help from the media and porn industry. In today’s world, when one thinks on “providing service”, nine out of ten times it is in a sexual manner or of some sexual activity to be performed. The images of a girl dressed in a skimpy French maid’s outfit with a duster in her hand. In walks the Dominant who bends her over the desk and the scene immediately turns to something sexual.
Is this what providing service is all about or is there more to it?
Believe it or not, there is a lot more to “providing service” then sex and play. There are even those out there who don’t even play but find arousal or fulfillment with providing service to another.
So what exactly is the definition of “service” in the lifestyle?
The definition of “service” is any activity or function that you can fulfill to make your partner’s life easier or to some extent making him or her happy. In truth, if we look at this, both the Dominant and submissive in a D/s based role provide service for each other, which we will look into in just a bit.
Understanding the “Service Oriented Submissive”
You tend to find service oriented submissive types in a 24/7 based dynamic where they live with the dominant, but just about any submissive can get fulfillment from providing services to Dominants. These types of submissives provide for the dominant things to make the life of the Dominant easier as we spoke above in the definition. This tends to begin for the 24/7 couple at the time of waking up and going all the way till they fall asleep in the evening.
In the morning, a service oriented submissive may be given tasks to accomplish each morning, laying out the dominant’s clothing, preparing breakfast and that very nectar of the gods most of us live off of in the morning, a cup of coffee. It goes on throughout the day, tending to chores around the house maintaining various housekeeping tasks such as cleaning up, doing laundry, doing the dishes, preparing dinner.. all of these ideas of how a submissive can provide service for a dominant. Consider the pure housewife who doesn’t work but works to maintain the household.
Now these ideas don’t entirely sound all that enjoying. Who could possibly get fulfillment from doing laundry besides having sex on the washing machine while its going? With service orientated submissive, they get fulfillment ot because it directly makes them happy, or they get direct pleasure from it, but it makes the person they are doing it for happy. They focus their energy on being useful.
In my time, I have found that all submissives to some degree crave direction, stability and overall being found as useful or pleasing. This tends to drive them emotionally to a very long degree. There is a give and take which happens between dominants here and submissives. As I spoken before, even Dominants provide a ‘level’ of service to submissives. The dominant provides the environment, structure and foundation for the submissive to be useful to the needs of the dominant. The submissive gets the satisfaction of being useful, pleasing to the dominant doing something worthwhile and making that dominant function more efficiently.
“Understanding the types of Service”
There are two key types of service which can be provided by submissives.
Anticipatory or Proactive
This mean being able to anticipate the needs of the Dominant without the dominant asking for things. this tends to happen after the submissive has been with the Dominant for awhile, understands what the dominant needs are. For example, the dominant is to be returning home from work soon… a proactive submissive might prepare things to make things comfortable for the dominant when they get home. This might include laying out more comfortable clothing to change into, preparing a drink for the dominant to enjoy, or a snack before dinner is to be served. These things are done without the dominant having to ask for such to be done. Routines can be established and observed, and this is where anticipation and being proactive falls into place.
Reactive
Reactive is more about obeying direct commands or orders, being given tasks to accomplish, or simply being directed by the dominant. This takes a bit of skill to listening and being alert, which we will go into in just a moment.
“Understanding the motivation behind service”
Another interesting thing to look at is the “Why” behind a service oriented submissive. We spoke that they get fulfillment out of serving, but what is the motivation for the submissive in providing service. From research from various psychological and lifestyle references, it is really broken down to three types of motivational factors.
Transitional motivation
This is a reward based system. The submissive provides service to the dominant in hopes to earn something for doing a good job, or a good deed, or overall being pleasing. They provide service in hopes the dominant will make use of them in bed for the evening is one prime example. This might be great for portions of the time, but a submissive cannot rely on reward for every single thing which they do.
Devotional Motivation
“I am doing this because I love you sooo much”. This type of motivation strictly lays on emotion. A submissive will do something out of the emotions which they have for the person. This is a back and forth concept, the dominant makes the submissive happy so the submissive strives to make the dominant happy, out of love. The flip side to this however is, if this is the only motivational factor there, well what happens when the submissive is in a fowl mood, or the couple are arguing or fighting which does tend to happen, no matter how submissive someone is, we are all human beings here, with emotions. Will the submissive continue to do what they are told or do, or expected to do by the dominant, even if they are mad? As much as this is a strong motivation for submissives to ‘serve’ it really cannot be the only reason.
Positional Motivation
“I live to serve and be pleasing, this is my position in life”. Some submissives tend to fall into a roll of this is who I am, this is what I am about, thus I must be of service to Dominants, or ‘my’ Dominant. To some this position is a general position where to others it is a position which only is connected with their partner directly. This goes more deeper into poly verses mono based relationships, and community based settings which we see this. As a dominant, I tend to enjoy a good flogging. It is very relaxing and is very much a form of massage. I had given a flogger to someone and asked them to hit me with it. As much as they tried, they just could not do it for one reason or another. It was just not in them to do this. This falls under this category of motivation.
Overall, I tend to find people who dip into each of these three basic categories when it comes to providing service. They tend to have a sense of this is what they are, doing this out of emotional for the person, sometimes wishing to have some form of a reward for what they do, a give and take as they say. I’ve always used the glass of water example where a submissive needs to get back just as much as they give. If you keep pouring water out of the glass without refilling it at some point, all your going to get is a empty glass at some point, with nothing left to give. So whether it is emotion, stability and direction, a sense of being, or the reward, submissives need to have some form of a motivation for providing the service they provide.
“Fundamental Skills of Service”
There are several key fundamental skills when it comes to providing service.
- Be on time!
- Ability to follow clear instruction
- Remaining silent when being told to do so, or being directed.
- Learn how to focus on the Dominant speaking and listen
- Ask for clarification when instructions are not clear.
- Report shortcomings, mistakes, and failures as quickly as possible.
- Accept criticism without emotional reactions or outbursts.
These seven direct skills will help you as a submissive to be able to provide proper service to whom you are providing that service to. Remember about the motivations we spoke about. Dominants tend not to like submissives who show aggression, attitude or contempt when they are serving. This can lead tobad feelings and possible damage to the overall relationship. Keeping a clear head, keeping yourself in check as a submissive, and understanding the reasons your doing what your doing, will help things go more smoothly. Remember, when your providing service, your doing things for the Dominant, and He or She is always right with what they want.
The second skills are what I call “disciplines”. These are skills sometimes are very direct, usually come from a level of education, or training the person has gone through in order to provide these types of skills. I have seen submissives who are apart of a overall household for a very specific reason, or a very specific skill set which they can provide that household. Here is a very very short list of some examples to these types of disciplines.
- Animal caretaker or trainer
- Hair Stylist or Barber
- Caretaker, caterer, or Cook/Chef
- Cleaner, Housekeeping Specalist
- Medical Specialist (Doctor, Nurse, EMT)
- Therapist (Massage, Psychological)
- Gardener or Grounds keeper
- Butler
- Personal Assistant or Secretary
- Accountant
- Valet
- Computer Specialist
- Engineer / Car Repair etc. etc.
This list can go on and on to pretty much anything which one might do as a “Career” to some degree.
So as you can see, there is much more to providing service to a dominant or dominants then just play or sexual activities. Part 2 of this article will cover providing service in an online environment or virtual world like second life.